There are three important things we do in ancestral and intergenerational trauma work:
Bring everyone into inclusion - even those who have been excluded by the family. The father who abused, drank and left the house. The aborted children who are never spoken about. The siblings who were lost in a fire or a forest. The uncle who was banished for being a homosexual. The aunt who took her life and no one knows about her now. The stillborn children who didn’t have any names. Everyone is included. Everyone casts an effect the way we live our lives now.
Accept things the way they were and they are. Because without this acceptance, we would forever want to fight reality. We would forever want to right the wrongness. The energy that goes into such a thing is nothing but of resistance. Sometimes it’s about correcting the atrocity one parent did on the other. Sometimes it’s about: “I will never be like my father.” Or “I will avenge what they did to our family.” Or maybe, “I’ll be a better mother than that monster I had.” There can be many forms. You get the point. But it doesn’t matter whatever the form is. The truth is, when we are stuck in resisting and fighting what is and was true, we do not create what we had set out to on the first place.
Change our inner picture without expecting anything in the external world to change. That includes the mother who is overbearing and will not change. That includes the father who is angry and angsty all the time. That includes the brother who doesn’t talk to you anymore. That includes those cousins who judge you for being poor or rich. That includes the paternal or maternal family who do not approve your parents marriage. That includes the grandfather who dies cursing your mother. Or the grand mother who dies favouring her second son over your father. We have to understand that we do not have a choice but to repeat what we reject simply because we carry these people in our bodies. Our ancestors do not live in some mythical land, but very much in our flesh & bones.
All of these three are a part of an inner process. It doesn’t need anything in the external world to shift. It requires no person to change or behave differently. It doesn’t require history to be different. And that is simply because the purpose of healing is space creation and non-reactivity inside our bodies.
What I often mean by space creation is creating enough land for all our ancestors to live. And when that land, much like earth, doesn’t judge who is worthy and who is not, doesn’t judge who is loved and who is unwanted, doesn’t judge how one benefited us and how others spilled vitriol, we transcend. Because then we are no longer stuck in correcting the past or exclaiming: I am different. I am never gonna be like them. We instead ask: if I am all parts all my ancestors, and if I am all parts whole, how do I carry them to create the life I want?
And the answer is: By thinking thoughts and feeling feelings that I want to feel?
And then the question is: how do I think and feel all that is good and all that feels nice, when I am still stuck at correcting the past and disliking, hating, being disappointed by those that didn’t treat me and my family well?
And then the answer is:
Bring everyone to inclusion.
Accept things the way they were and they are.
Change them in your inner picture, when you meditate, without expecting them to change in the physical reality.
And some of you would be like, but Gaurav that is too much you ask out of me. I cannot let go of the pain. I cannot forgive. I cannot not fight.
And my response would be: in that case, we will carry them with us. You or I don’t have a choice.
You will carry them to all kinds of places. To your own life, with your partner, to your business, to your clients, to your social media. Everywhere.
Yesterday I was meditating at around 9:30 pm in the night. And at the back of my mind was my upcoming workshop, How to F*ck the Algorithm (happening today). There was a moment in there, where I felt all my ancestors, even the ones I had never seen were standing there. Behind me. Holding my spine and the back of my head. One part of me was whispering, this is not real. You’re just imagining. And then the other part: “Isn’t that what you believe and teach - nothing needs to change in the external world, nothing needs to appear or disappear, it only needs to happen inside of you. And isn’t that the heart of Deliberate Thought Building (DTB)? Circumstances don’t matter. Let nothing change, but ask, what’s the thought I want to think to create the result I want to create?”
And in that moment I just knew the subconscious drive to name my workshop as: How to F*ck the Algorithm. Because the algorithm is a circumstance. It’s like the functionality or the matrix that covers the surface of all dysfunctionalities in a system, or in a family. For example:
“I am an independent woman, I don’t need a man” versus “I am hurt, for what my father did to my mother and I cannot forgive him.”
“I don’t quite like to do LIVEs, they drain me,” versus “There were too many expectations on my mother by her sisters, and I today am merged with her. By staying small, I get to love my mother.”
“I am scared of putting myself out, what if I say something wrong,” versus “My ancestors were penalised in their own country for their skin colour and for standing in their truth.”
And all functionalities that serve as stopgaps in a system are just are garb. So, is the algorithm.
In truth, the real compass of your impact and effect on your tribe & audience is your truth. Is your ability to include them all even when you don’t know them. Is your choice to love them all without trying to change what they think and feel about you. Is you appearing exactly the way you are and thinking thoughts about them the way you want to think, and feeling feelings about them the way you want to feel. Just like the three important intergenerational healing aspects I’ve listed above.
That is all. That is all you need for people to find you, to love you and your work and shower you with abundance
.
Because when I was meditating and could feel my ancestors standing behind me, holding my spine and the back of my head, they were showering on me all the abundance in the world and whispering: we want nothing for you but to thrive.
That is exactly what you will have to be willing to believe that your audience thinks about you and prays: we want nothing for you but to thrive. In all circumstances, even when the algorithm may show you otherwise.
Don’t forget to make it to the workshop today. And the rest of the days. If you haven’t registered yet, you can do so by clicking here.
I will see you there.
I love you.
Gaurav.